Thoughts · of · a · Dreamer

So yah, that was kinda freaky! It’s all a very stupid story, I proved once more that I’m motorically challenged, lol. Here all the ins and outs ;)
I have a room in a “house” in a flat (do you follow?) and in that house we have three different floors. My room is situated on the middle floor, the toilet/bathroom is either up- or downstairs. We have it all equally devided, so if I wanna take a shower or have to, you know, go, I have to go downstairs. So last Tuesday I had to pee and so went downstairs, suddenly I felt dizzy and I took this misstep and slipped and fell donwstairs. It all happened really fast and when I realised what had happened I felt this huge pain in my back. Apparently I had fallen on my back and hit all the steps on my way down, so yah, that hurt, only a lot! Because of the noise one of my housemates came to see what had happened and saw me lying downstairs. First, she laughed, because she thought I was just being me and expected me to get up by myself. I have to say, I myself thougt I could get up myself, but when I tried I seemed to have lost all strenght and all I felt was pain, lots of pain. So my housemate lifted me to my feet and helped me back upstairs. Then she suggested to go see a doctor. “How?” was my question to that, because I couldn’t possibly go by bike and by bus didn’t seem like a great idea. Then another housemate just got home and he owns a car, so he took us to a hospital. The pain had gotten worse and by the time I was being examined my left leg was feeling numb. I could barely move it and almost sensed nothing when the doc was pricking me with a toothpick-kinda-thingy. That really scared me and made the doc very worried and because the pain was also very disturbing the doc decided to keep me for observation. So after a high dose of painkillers and a very disturbed night I felt a bit better the next morning, though I was very sore and stiff. With the morning check-up the doc was still very troubled, because I still wasn’t able to move my leg properly, but with the help of a walking-frame I was capable in walking up and down the ward. Still the doc wanted to keep me for at least that day, he feared that a nerve might have got stuck and was being oppressed so he wanted to keep an eye on me. So that sucked…I had this huge paper I had finish by Friday and there was this concert Saturday we had to prep for with the string quartet, so I was kinda pissed. Mostly at myself of course, for being stupid enough to fall down the stairs. Anyways, the next morning things looked much better and by the end of the day I was discharged from the hospital! Because of the fall I had bruised my back and it all was kinda swollen and that was the reason why my nerve was sort of failing to work. So after a couple of days the swelling had shrunk and I was able to feel everything again and move my leg properly.
Got an extension on my paper, have to deliver it by the end of the month, thank God! Oh and I did go to the concert and it all turned out pretty well! We got lots of compliments ^_^.
Still, I’m very sore and I have to go back to the hospital on Friday for a check-up. But I’m sure I will be fine. I’m just very glad I didn’t break anything or something worse happened!

Ok, so, I’m off, back to my paper. It’s about medical-ethical problems, very interesting and it really puts my own morals to the test!!

Take care, all!
Love, Noa

Wow, I did mention the 3-hour-lectures before, but I had no idea they were actually gonna start with that on the first Mondaymorning, at 9am! Gosh, I could barely keep my eyelids apart, lol. First hour was basically a general introduction of the new year and how the examination-system has changed and all that stuff blah, blah, blah. Then the second hour it became interesting, it was about thrombosis and the whole coagulation cascade. And then (note that we still hadn’t had a 5-minute break) it became annoying ‘cuz the professor/doctor or whatever his title may be kept on going and going and going and going and…oh, you get the point! After 2 hours and 20 minutes he finally got our message that we needed a break, so he gave us – and I quote – “3 minutes tops”…So yeah, 3 minutes later he continued his lecture, thizzzzzzzzzz time more about atherosclerosis (k, if you want to know more about it, or what it means, just ask me, cuz yes I do have my notes!).
And after the lectures I had to hurry home, I had this photo shoot planned for the upcoming albums. Anyways, it was raining REALLY hard, I was soaked through, I could literally squeeze out my socks! So I couldn’t possibly make it for the photo shoot, considering I had to do my own make-up and stuff (yah, we have to do that ourselves, we’re not that fortunate we can afford make-up-artists LOL) and my own dressing and I had to go there by bike, meaning I had to face the rain again and all. Then I got a phone call of Arwen (the cellist of the string quartet), she said she couldn’t make it because of the rain as well so I decided to call our “manager”  Daniel. I told him about the situation and that we couldn't make it. He said "pity, I was just thinking that a wet-look-photo-shoot would be just great!" LOL! Anyways, the photo shoot now has been rescheduled for Wednesday, so hopefully the weather will be just fine ;).
K, so now I'm off to bed, have to get up early for some studying tomorrow!

( Oh and here's another album cover sample, just tell me what you think! )

Take care! Love,
Noa

New update! Next Monday the new semester is gonna take off…ouch, that means back to the old life of days spend listening to 3-hour lectures, loads of exams to prep for, hours full of fun at the dissecting-room…BUT also going to do the real thing, I’m actually going to practise medicine! I’m gonna play doctor for a little while, LOL! I’m soooo looking forward to that! I’ll tell you all more about it, once I have figured out for myself what exactly I’m going to do…lol, I’m so prepared for the upcoming year…NOT!

Anyways, once I go back to college, that means I will have to say goodbye to the sweet life I’ve been living the past couple of weeks. As I wrote earlier, I’ve been playing the violin a lot lately. Yesterday was our final rehearsal-day at the studio, basically we have been living at the studio the past weeks! This is what a day was usually spent:

7 am, I wake up, take a shower, get dressed and eat breakfast
8 am, I go down to the studio, to either rehearse with the string quartet or with Yuri (the pianist I’m working with), or Damian and Paul (my personal coaches, lol, and the technicians who know EV-E-RY-THING about recording albums!).
8.30 am, I arrive at the studio and get started right away
10 am, we take a 15 minute break for some coffee
12.30, we take a 30 minute lunchbreak
3 pm, the end of studio-time, we take notes and make next day’s schedule and go home
3.30 pm, I go to Little Wing (my horse ;) ), and go for a ride either down at the manège or in the "woods". It depends, just what I’m up for that day lol!
6 pm, I clean out his stable, feed him and make sure he will get through the night carefree ;)
6.30 pm, I go home, hoping that I went grocery-shopping the day before lol
7 pm, I’m making supper either for just myself or else for some of my roommates :D
8.30 pm, I go check my mail and make sure all the bills get paid (I’m the one responsible for all the financial stuff at our house and I make sure everyone will pay their bills and clean the bathrooms as scheduled).
9 pm, I play the violin to study for the next day or other pieces I’m working on.
10.30 pm, I’m getting ready for bed, read a book for a while and finally lay my head to rest and fall asleep :)

And this has basically been my daily schedule for the past couple of weeks…I know, it sounds kinda like I’m actually having a career, but this is the kind of work I would love to do for..oh, I don’t know, at least for another two months! But unfortunately I can’t, because of college. I’m also glad to go back to college, don’t get me wrong! I’m looking forward to seeing all of my friends again and stuff, but this whole working-on-albums-thing is also really a fabulous life! Hopefully we will get back into the studio somewhere in September to record the string quartet album. We’ve kind of have figured out what we want to put on this album, so we’re hoping to finish recording before November and then it’ll just be waiting for the record company to edit and publish the album. We have it planned for January or February 2007 to be in stocks for sale! :D LOL! Never knew I was ever gonna say that!

Anyways, enough with the dreamin’ already! We haven’t even been recording for real yet, all we have are sound check-demos, though they are pretty neat if I say so myself ;). And yesterday we came up with a name for our first album. We’re called Spring Kwartet, this we came up with a couple of years ago when we first played together for a school-music-night. As you may understand it’s Dutch, but also refers to the English term String Quartet. We all love Springtime the most of all seasons and “spring” is the Dutch word for “jump”, which refers to the hyperactivity of us silly girls LOL, no but it just sounds playful ;). The name of our first album is going to be HAVA, which is a Hebrew name meaning “to live” and we all thought it was a beautiful word to put on our first album.

But right now I’m going to focus on my study again, no worries, I still want to become a doc! So hopefully next update will bring some other stuff, more about the medical sh*t! LOL, I’ll keep you guys updated!

Love, Noa

Wow! It's been a long time since my last update...over a year ago...SHAME ON ME!! Lot of things have happened since then, of course. Too much to name that all, and really it's not that necessary! I'm still Noa, still studying medicine, still playing the violin, do a little bit more singing, dancing and playing the piano as well. Oh, one huge change in my life, I now officially have got my own livingspace!! :D It's just so wonderful to come and go as I please, the freedom to make my own choices on what to eat (or not to eat, LOL) for supper, when to do my laundry etc, etc!
Ok, so things that recently have happened and still keep me occupied...hmmm, let me think. A medical student never really has time off, I still have to remake some exams because some of them I so totally badly failed. And after that I have 5 days off to get myself settled again for the next semester. Oh well, it keeps myself busy I always say. Anyways, this year should be a little less hectic and if things turn out the way I planned I should have a couple of months off, somewhere around February 2007 *fingers crossed*. That gives me some time to focus more on my musical career. Maybe I've already told this before, but I've been working with some great, musically talented, wonderful minds and now I'm participating in a stringquartet. We're not officially together and we're not giving concerts yet, but we're working on it really hard. We all have a study that has our priority, the stringquartet is something we have aside, like a hobby. But actually it is like work, because if we are not at home studying for an exam or getting our h/w done, we get together to work on our play and trying to get connected with each other, musically that is. Besides the stringquartet I also work together with a friend of mine I know from secondary school. He plays the piano very well, he goes to the conservatory, he is so incredibly talented! I already have been in the studio with him to record some piano-violin-sonates, by several composers. We are probably going to record a whole album, so maybe this time next year, or the year after that, I'll have my own CD ^__^! That would be awesome!
Ok, I think I'll leave it with this, for now. These are the major changes in my life, so now you're basically up to date ;-)!

I hope I will find the time to update my LJ a lot more often than once a year...sorry about that!
Take great care you all!
Love, Noa

Ok, thought I should give you all a quick update. Not much to say, though..not much going on, really..hehe..my life is pretty much the same, pretty boring. So..what’s new? Well..I have a gala this Friday, woohoo! So I needed a dress, of course. And I’ve found one! Yay! First shop I went to was a hand-me-down-gala-dresses, so that should be a perfect address. But from the outside it didn’t really look that nice, but anyways, I thought to just give it a shot. The woman behind the counter told me she had only three dresses in my size, so I thought that I probably needed to look for another store. There were this green, black and red dress and my eye fell on the black one. It was a beauty, pure silk! Black...but still, hehe! I tried it on and five minutes later I had my new (second-hand) dress! Yeaaah! It fitted just perfectly, and the woman told me she had seen lots of girls trying that one on, but didn’t seem to fit and with me it was like: WOW! Like we were made for each other! ^__^ So now I have a dress and a beautiful scarf-kinda thingy and a gorgeous necklace! Only no date...but that’s ok...will have fun anyways! I’m going with a couple of friends from college, they all don’t have dates as well, so it’s a girls-night-out, lol! I read about the official “rules” for a man and woman, how to behave, and one said the man should open the door for the lady to let her go in first, and the first question that popped into my head was “how do I get in, since I don’t have a date?!” lol! And another said the guy should climb the stairs first, for he might get to see a bit of the ankle of his lady if she goes first (owww! ;-)) and I wondered “who of us will go first?!” hehe! But I bet will have a great time!
As for today..did extraordinary well on my presentation today!! Wiiiiiiii!!! ^__^
I had to talk about tonsillitis acuta, what the symptoms are, what can cause this infection, how frequently it occurs in the population and how often people go see a doctor for it, what can be the complications and how frequently thát happens, how important it is to make a difference between a viral and a bacterial infection, stuff like that. And it was really cool!! :D I had these really disgusting pictures of different throats with different diseases. I also demonstrated how and what to examine on a patient’s body and started a discussion about a “paper-patient”. It was soooo cool! :D I was really nervous at first, but once I got started it all went so very well, and I got some really great feed-back and compliments. I scored 100%!!! Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! Hehe! Yah, I think I have every right to show off with that! ^__^ lolllll!
Only downside of today’s story: had to give blood for some bloodtest..probably have anemia, but I already know that. A healthy female person my age has an Hb of 7.0-8.0 (is that correct Stacey! ;-)), I live with an Hb of 5.5-6.0, it differs. I have a blood disease, it’s not that big a deal, I can perfectly function with it (or at least, that’s what I think ;-) lol). But I’ve been ill about a week ago, and I don’t feel 100% better, bit weak and tired..so my Mom said I should have my blood checked again...so I did. Just hope that the results will come out ok...
Oh, and another story today, a beautiful story ;-) I had a lecture at 8.30AM and my presentation started at 10AM. The lecture finished early so I had a bit of time left to prepare myself. And as I was sitting on this chair reading through some notes a butterfly entered the room by this tiny small little opening of the window and it flew around for a bit and gently settled itself right in front of me, on the table. And I thought to myself, what are the odds of that? A butterfly this time of year? For me it was the first one I saw this year and coming to ME, right in front of me! Really close! I don’t really believe in reincarnation, but I know, I just feel it must have been my brother letting me know he was there and that I would be fine. It was so sweet..it almost made me cry, and I’m sure it did help me do so well on my presentation!
All in all pretty long entry..hope you’re satisfied. I am anyways ^__^

Take care,
Noa

So today I learned how much a good friend can mean to someone. I went to visit my brother’s best friend. My younger sister told me he had some trouble with school and teachers (they attend the same school, that’s why), so I figured just to go see him and have a chat with him. We used to get a long with each other really well, my brother and I didn’t really share the same friends, but Thomas was (no wait, still is) a dear friend of mine as well. Thomas has been around the house pretty much lately, I’ve noticed that, he was very attached to my brother and wanted to show how much he cared about him and his family. I just never paid that much attention to him, basically just because I knew I couldn’t handle that. It was too painful for me to see him and talk to him.
But when I found out that Thomas isn’t doing so well at school anymore, I started to worry. He’s one of the most smartest kids in school, about 6 months ago he was looking to a Cum Laude graduation! But now he’s being a real pain to a lot of teachers, a troublemaker, and he has failed 6 midterms out of the 8 he had last semester.
Anyways, we both had a day off, so I went over to his house and his Mom opened up. The first thing she said to me was how glad she was to see me. On one hand I was touched by her words, on the other hand it made me even more worried. I knew she meant that I was basically her only hope...She let me in and told me Thomas was in his bedroom and I could go upstairs. I think Thomas must have heard I was coming upstairs, because he stood in the doorway, smiling and welcoming me. But I thought it was a bit too acted..too fake.
I asked him how things were, how he’s doing at school and in general and he just said everything’s fine. I told him I didn’t really believe him, which made him a bit upset and he started yelling that everyone keeps saying that and everyone’s worried about him. He wanted me to leave him alone and not to bother him again...I’ve never seen him so angry before and I was shocked, he’s such a gentle, soft, honest, sweet boy. I tried to calm him down and tried to let him focus on something else, by asking if he were still thinking about going to the academy for light music – he’s a fantastic singer, he has a great voice, and he plays wonderfully piano. But he told me he had quit singing and playing. I was shocked even more, I couldn’t speak, I just couldn’t believe it! And Thomas was still really angry and told me once again he wanted me to go. So I stood up and walked to the door, I turned around to say goodbye and said how sorry I was that I wasn’t there for him, but that I really was thankful for his support and care the last couple of weeks. I told him I did notice him, but that I just couldn’t talk to him and that I was sorry.
So as I was about to turn around again to walk away, I heard him cry. He just stood there and cried and I was happy. Well, happy in a way that I was glad he finally let it out. But what he then said to me woke me up and made me realize the huge impact someone’s death really can be. He said that I and my family not alone had lost someone close, he as well had lost a dear friend. And maybe it was because I was too caught up in my emotions, but I really hadn’t realized that until today. And I felt so sorry for him that he actually had no one to look out for him, to be there for him. So I walked back, over to him and closed him in my arms. I have no idea how long we have stood there, just the two of us, softly crying, but it must have been a pretty long while.
We sat down on his bed and we talked about my brother and things we had done together. I remember this yard sale we had planned, about 7 years ago.

( *click* )

We had a good talk, I think Thomas really needed someone to talk to and I’m glad he finally got to. For me it was good as well, I think I haven’t really talked to someone like that about my brother. Just because most of the people I talk to these days, don’t really know how my brother and I were when we were younger.
I never knew how much someone can really mean to someone else. Of course I knew my brother had a great friend in Thomas, but I didn’t realize what he had meant to Thomas. I found out that my brother made sure Thomas did his best and that they studied together. Thomas had the brains, but my brother kept them both driven in doing their best and, most important, everything just in time, lol.
I just hope Thomas will get better soon and he will reconsider on playing the piano and singing again. And hopefully he will be more motivated again to graduate.

Ok, well, I’m going to get ready for my masterclass tonight. I just needed to get this off, I guess...
Take great care, you all.
Love, Noa

This weekend was one of the better ones, or at least that’s what I thought. Had a great time celebrating St. Patricks Day, though. Friday I had a day off college, which was a good thing! Wouldn’t have amounted much for anything, hehe ^__^.

Anyways, Saturday I did something to my MSN, which apparently wasn’t any good, ‘cuz I couldn’t get it started anymore..I tried to install the “latest” version of MSN, but I strongly suggest no-one should ever try that!! It took me pretty much the whole w/e to get it all working again! Grrrr!

Besides the really frustrating factor, I had a great Saturday, though. Had a blast with my oldest brother, for he came home to visit us and we went for a walk by the lake. He told me this great story about a soldier who had a great talent in singing.

My brother claims it’s based on something that truly has happened and that it now is told like a fairytale or myth or something. Hehe, he’s soooo naive LOL!

Well if you’re intresting in reading what the story’s about, just *click* (thanks Amy Grace, hehe)

( Read more... )</span></p>

 

So when we got back from the lake, my brother GAVE me his tickets to the Matthäus Passion on Sunday. They cost like a 100 dollars EACH and he just gives them to me! His girlfriend couldn’t make it, and he didn’t wanna go without her (so sweet :-)) so he thought he would make me happy to let me go. Erm..YAH!! Wieeeeeeeeuw! The Matthäus Passion by Bach is just one of the most divine pieces ever written. It is just so beautiful, breathtaking, I cannot describe...once you hear it, there’s no other way the Bible’s Word could be better proclaimed than this.

So I was really thrilled I could go! I immediately called Anna to ask her if she could come with me. So the next day we drove to Naarden and we found ourselves seated 6 rows from the podium!

I was deeply moved and the last chorals made me cry. It felt like I was touched by an Angel and that I got new inspiration to move on. It somehow gave me strength and it made me feel secure. For some other reason, and I don’t know how or why, but I just knew my brother was near me and I knew he was safe. But on the other hand it made me realise how much I miss him. I don’t know how we’re supposed to go on without him, it just doesn’t feel right. And I felt so guilty that I celebrated St. Patrick’s Day last Thursday, how can I be partying while I just lost my brother only 6 weeks ago?!

And this beautiful melodyline of this choral is stuck in my head, and everytime I hear it I feel like floating and it makes me all melancholic and lyrical. Hehe..I’m just so frickin’ sentimental ^__^...

Anyways..I just think the Matthäus Passion is a masterpiece and everyone should be able to enjoy this music..and not just the elite and rich and famous...gosh...I thought the goverment wanted people to be more cultural educated! It sooo pisses me off!! And I was so annoyed about the people who were coming to see (hear, even) the Matthäus Passion, people who have no idea what is happening at the other round of the world. All they could think of was if their dresses weren’t too colorful or if their hair wasn’t too curly. O well..I guess I have no right to judge them...

Ok, so I’m off..I have tonnes of h/w to do. I just got back from another house-visit..didn’t like the place that much, though. I think that IF I might be the one (chances are like THIS small, but eh?!) I’ll be the one to turn it down. There were some who were smoking..don’t like that...I was there for like 20 mins and now I have this awful scent around me..yegh! And the people weren’t really that erm...well..on the same wavelength...But, we will see.. ;-)

Take great care you all!

Love, Noa</span></span></span>

Mood:	Moved by the Passion
Music:	John Mayer - Daughters (can someone d/l that for me?? PLS??)

So..I think my LJ needs an update..or at least so it’s not that depressing for you to look at it ^__^

Last Friday I went out to this bar/club kinda thing I always go to whenever I go out with friends. I thought to myself I had kinda deserved a night out, to take my mind off things..especially after a big messed-up exam and a terrible week of getting in little fights with friends from college..argh..just hate to have those fights..

You know, it’s not so much the stupidity about what the fights are about, even..it’s just so sad that people are so shallow and empty..but probably it’s not even them to blame, they just never had the experience to loose someone close..so they just don’t know what I’m going through..lately I have lots of mood-swings..you know, one moment I can be very cheerful, but the next second I can be totally withdrawn and closed...anyways..one of them actually said to me that she thinks I’m “so terribly affected that I’m still not over it” and that I’m exaggerating about the fact I can’t get things done so easy anymore...can you believe that?!...anyways..I told her that if – in some unfortunate way – she might ever loose someone close to her, I would hope for her that I would be much more understanding than she is to me right now...she just turned around and walked away...gosh..how pathetic is that...

Anyways, I thought it was time for me to go out and have some fun..and what a great fun that was...yah..that was until my friend started teasing me lol! I had this baseball-cap on my head and my friend just grabbed it and put it on. Of course I tried to get it back, but I’m not that tall, and he’s like 5’10, so I couldn’t reach it, as he was holding my cap high in the air in one hand and kept pushing me away with the other one, hehe. Anyways, another friend of mine came to help me out, he’s a rugby-player, so he’s rather strong and so I got sandwiched between those guys. Really nice and chummy and all, but we lost our balance so we fell down on the ground, I fell down first with my friends on top of me and my neck just flew backwards, so I got some sort of a whiplash-effect...it didn’t even hurt that much at that moment, but when I woke up the next morning I had this awful neckpain and bit of a h/a. And my parents were “celebrating” their anniversary, Saturday they were married for 30 years, so I had to make dinner and all, but it wasn’t such a happy anniversary, understandable, but still...though all my brothers and sisters got home, so that was nice.
Sunday I was feeling a bit better, and today was ok, but I still have a bad neckpain and a h/a..and I feel a bit nauseas from time to time..maybe I should go see the doctor, though I think I just need to give it some rest...hehehe..yah..the Doc speaks for herself lol! ...

Anyways..my phase on moving on with my life still isn’t over, though I think I just need some more time before I can actually move on. I feel like I haven’t even got the chance to process all this, let alone got the time to grieve and sort it all out. Things just happened in a flash and a blur, but now my sister’s back home and my Mom’s back to work, I finally get some time for myself. Maybe I am over-reacting this whole thing and maybe I do need to get over it and move on...because in the end, what’s the point in living when you’re standing still?

 

Oh well, I guess I’m learning!

Anyways, I’m off to bed, I just needed to update my LJ, so I did ;)

 

Take care,
Noa

God looked around his garden

And found an empty place.

He then looked down upon the earth,

And saw your tired face.

 

He put His arms around you,

And lifted you to rest.

God's garden must be beautiful,

He only takes the best.

 

He knew that you were suffering,

He knew that you were in pain.

He knew that you would never,

Get well on earth again.

 

He saw the road was getting rough,

And the hills were hard to climb,

So He closed your weary eyelids,

And whispered, "Peace be thine."

 

It broke my heart to loose you,

But you didn't go alone,

For part of me went with you,

The day God called you home.

 

Rest in peace, my sweet brother,

I miss you...

Hey y'all! ;)
Ok...I shall tell you all a storie about a little girl, named Noa. ^__^
Noa woke up this morning and thought to herself "it's a beautiful day!" She drew back the curtains and she saw the nicest scenery she had seen in years! Everything was covered with snow, it was like a warm, white blanket. Noa got all excited about the snow, she changed really fast and ate her breakfast and ran outside to go play in the snow! She was not the only one, there were 15 children down the street, all playing in the snow, throwing snowballs at people and cars going by. There was laughter and joy, but then it was time for Noa to leave for college. She jumped on her bike and went down to the Uni. But Noa forgot about the snow and how it can turn into slippy ice, so as she turned around the corner the front tyre of her bicycle slipped away and she fell with a thud to the ground. For a second Noa was disorientated, but a very friendly passenger helped her get up. Noa was very grateful and thanked the guy over and over again. She had only a few grazes on her knee and arm, but because of this small accident she was late for the lecture. Fortunately, she was still let in, because she could "proof" the reason why she was late.
After a two-hour lecture Noa went back home. This time she was being more carefull when she had to turn directions.
When she got home, Noa made herself a pot of tea. To keep the tea warm she put the pot on a tea-warmer. She lit the candle and threw the match in the match-trashcan, but forgot to blow out the match first. Noa poured herself a cup of tea and went to the livingroom. After a couple of minutes she started to smell something weird. She sniffed and realised she was smelling smoke. As fast as she could Noa jumped off the couch and ran to the kitchen. All the match-left-overs were on fire, including the trashcan. It was a pretty big fire already and it almost had set the curtains on fire! Noa hastened towards the fire she had created, quickly grabbed the trashcan and threw it in the sink. She let the cold water run and extinguished the fire. She opened the windows and kitchendoors to get rid of the bad smell. But because it was freezingly cold Noa froze her buns off, paid her dues!
But it all came to an happy ending! Everything and everyone is safe and sound! ^__^

Ok..and I'm off..doing some h/w...gosh my life is so predictable...oh no...forgot...I'm going to have a snowballfight with Anna and my brothers ^__^ hehehe! See...I'm not so boring after all! ;)
Take care, Noa

LOLL!! so...my w/e so far...yesterday I got home early from college...so went down town to "hit the mall"...but when I finally got to this specific clothing shop I wanted to go...all of a sudden I didn't feel like shopping anymore...how weird is that...so went back home again...did some surfing on the net for a while and took an iq-test, lol! You know...January 19th, there was this national (Dutch) iq quiz on tv..you know, with famous Dutch people taking the quiz and some other Dutch people....to test how "intelligent" the Dutch are...lame..but great fun...I missed it on tv, though, so took the test yesterday...turns out...I have an iq-score of 138 ^__^ LOLL!! What a joke...it says I'm gifted...LOLLL!!! hehehe...there were like 65 questions, on language/grammar, mathematics, memory and stuff, I answered 57 out of 65 correctly...LOLL!! OH-MAH-GOWD!!! I didn't know I was that smart, LOLL!!!

Ok..so just got back from my first real date since decades!! hehe LOLLL! But seriously, the time is now...4 AM LOLL! What am I doing up so...so..early.. ;) Well...had a great time...we went out on dinner...and were supposed to go see a movie at the cinema...but we had such a great time during dinner...long, deep conversations hehehe!! We never got to go to the movies...^__^ WOW!! Really enjoyed our date^__^!! Wicked place you took me out to...we went to this lounch/bar kinda thing...they were playing the most relaxing jazzy music...was awesome kick-back-time!!! Did some fancy dancing..hehehe...fooled a guy around...hehehe! That was great fun, wasn't it!! OK...I need to go to bed..get some rest...and get rid of this..this...this...uhm...head full of alcohol LOLL!!! hehehe!! Ok..so this is me behind a computer, that was still on when I got home, back from an awesome date!!

Hopefully will catch you all real soon!! Especially you, you know who I mean, don't you!! ;)! LOL!!!

Me is gifted...what a joke!! :D

Take care, you all!! Noa

Ok..what's this about?!..some are just too stupid...others are too true...^_^ you just never know...

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can. War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace. You are a good mediator and a true negotiator. Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental. You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take. On the flip side, you've got a great sense of humor and wit. You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

100 Years by Five for Fighting

"Every day's a new day... 15 there's still time for you Time to buy and time to choose Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live" 2004 was about thinking and reflecting - but isn't every year?

You Are 25 Years Old

25 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily. You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others. You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

Ok..so over the past few days I’ve been wondering about the world’s reaction on the so-called tsunami in Asia, on December 26^th 2004. The pictures shocked me, touched me deeply. I was filled with pain, grief and anger. I can’t imagine how horrible it must be...

But what I found the most appalling was the news about the children-trade-smuggle-thing, sexual abuse by the sex-tourists. Jeeeeeezzzzzze, how can people do stuff like that in times like these?! They really suffer some serious brain-damage!! It makes me sick! And then the images of tourists on the beaches tanning, while behind them people were in total despair and excavators cleaning the mess. They were doing nothing to help out, they just were so incredibly selfish and back to enjoy there disturbed vacation. It makes me soooo pissed!! I saw this man the other day, from Holland, and what he said made me sooo not proud to be Dutch; he said that life goes on (I have to say, that’s true, but not in the way he probably meant it...) and he was there on a holiday, so he deserves to finish his vacation. He added: “we all live for ourselves, right, so...”

Yeah, right! And I don’t give a damn if my fist “accidentally” hits your face!!...sir...(I do have my manners)

I’m seriously starting to believe that the world is going the wrong way...the world’s gone bad...but then again, isn’t it always been the question whether or not we are good or bad? Or is the good really stronger than the bad? And what is it with good vs. evil anyway?

Today I had a conversation with myself. I know, I belong in an institution...but anyways..I’ve tried to put it down in words.

 

We cannot live without evil, the bad.

But what is The Evil?

The opposite of The Good.

That’s way too easy.

Suggestions?

Alright...is it something inside of us, or is it a factor out of our hands?

Is it the Devil? Are it demons?

Is it some kind of power existing apart from us, independent from the human race?

Then of course you can ask the same about The Good? Does that exist apart from us?

Is The Good God and God The Good?

 

Do you still follow? Don’t worry..I think I’m getting somewhere, now...^_^

 

For centuries people started to discus and argue about The Evil and it all ended with God. In the end, He is the Alfa and the Omega. So, The Evil is also given from God.

But what will happen if we will follow the thoughts of Nietzsche and thereby declare God as dead, just for now?

With that the Devil would die too. We cannot kill the father and let the out of wedlock born child live.

And for the demons as well, there is no part left for them, no role to play.

Agree?

Oh, and no angels as well.

 

So...now, both The Good and The Evil can be a power, or source, or whatever you may call it, that exists apart from us, but effects through us, like gravity effects all celestial bodies and all objects within its power field.

But it’s also a good possibility that The Good as well as The Evil is something inside of us, effecting everything we do..so..effecting the outcome of our doing, our deeds.

 

Ok...let’s take that last said suggestion...If, I say IF The Evil as well as The Good is something inside of us, if they are a part of who we are, how should we picture them? Are they some kind of powers influencing our acts and deeds, sometimes with The Good as the most powerful and sometimes that The Evil takes over?

 

Do you know what I mean? So that today The Good has “control” over my behavior and say, tomorrow The Evil will be having more influence on me.

 

But how should we picture us the source of these powers, if it’s not apart from us? So, maybe ‘power’ is the wrong word, because ‘power’ comes from a source, and I cannot picture myself one in me. So..maybe I should use the word ‘potential’.

Agree?

Humans are potentially capable in being Good as well as being Evil.

 

This makes me ask the next question. Are we talking about two different potentials, or is it one potential that, when it comes to an expression, only afterwards can be judged as Good or Evil? In other words: do we say that something is Good or Evil after it has happened? And if that’s so, doesn’t that mean that The Good and The Evil just do not exist, as two entities?

So herewith I also even presume that our way of acting and doing isn’t Good or Evil itself.

 

Right!

 

But then, what is it, or better, based on what do we judge – afterwards – something to be Good or Evil?

That’s the main question here: has the eternal, invariable knowledge about what is Good and what is Evil revealed itself by eating The Apple, like The Bible suggests? Or is this knowledge based on additions of our cultural values, which themselves are based on additions of the choices that guarantee the perpetuation of our species best?

Choosing the last option would mean that our moral, our ethics, is nothing but applied survivalism.

I refuse to think that...but isn’t that the truth?

I would hate to leave it with saying: Evil wears a face. The only thing you need to see it, is a mirror.

 

So...I could leave it with this: Good wears a face. The only thing you need to see it, is a mirror.

 

That’s what I’ll do.

Noa

Book meme:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

"Maar nee, die was veel jonger geweest - Budiman had ooit een foto van hem laten zien in een kunsttijdschrift." Lisa's adem - Karel Glastra van Loon (translated, something like: "But no, he must have been way younger - Budiman once showed a picture of him in an artmagazine")

Past few days I've been wondering about my Birthday. Whether or not I should celebrating...I've been trying to figure out what to do with my newest information about the whole adoption-thing. Considering I've always celebrated my B-day like it was something "oh yeah...it's my Birthday...almost slipped my mind"..And I'm content with that..I don't want to make such a big deal of it..it's just another year...Besides, we'll get older anyway, if we celebrate it or not.
So, I've decided to keep it the way it was...so tomorrow we'll have Christmas plus my Birthday, only THIS year - slap me in the face for being so stupid - I will be celebrating my 19th anniversary...AGAIN! So...no improvement...LOL! hahaha! No, seriously..I will not age this year! LOL! That sounds so funny!...But maybe I should keep my "extra" year for a couple of decades longer...like when I'm in my 40ies or 50ies, so I can go like: "I will not age this year!" LOL!
But no..I will turn 19 tomorrow, that's my plan this year :)
Birthdays always make me think what I want to do with my life...Oh boy, I sound like someone who's having a midlife-crisis!! :) But seriously, I always look back on the past year and go like: "so..honestly, Noa, what have you achieved?!" and "do I really wanna wanna be doing these things I'm doing?"
I know, it sounds a bit depressing or something, but I think it's a good time to be reflecting yourself. At least I always end up being content the way things are, with a small list of  "things I wanna do differently next year"...
I know things will be different this year, with everything with my brother and all...It's all very sad at the moment. We all realise this will be the last Christmas together, we have entered a new "era". An era of "last-things-together"...I hate that! I really cannot handle thinking like that, but everyone at home is thinking like that, so that makes it really hard for me to think otherwise...My older sister is getting more and more depressed. Looking at her makes my day go black instantly! I'm really worried about her, am keeping an extra eye on her. I really don't want her to loose herself, though I think she already did... :(...I try cheering her up and taking her mind off things by taking her for long walks at the beach, shopping for some new clothes, taking her out to dinner...but none of it seems to work, really...I've tried to talk to her, but she won't tell me what's going on in her mind, what she's thinking. I feel like I'm loosing her, that makes me really frustrated!! I feel so powerless...and hurt...

Anyways! WOW! Need to brighten this entry up a little! :) My life really isn't such a depressing story...I think...I'm just not in the mood for any happiness right now...I guess it's just because I'm getting too lonely...Oh no..this is not working...So yes...it's my B-day tomorrow, that should sound like something cheerful, right?! So...ok, that's a start. Plus it's Christmas, which is also a joyful event, or at least is supposed to be :)...*thinks happy thoughts*...*hurts her brain while thinking happy thoughts*...Ok...I'm off to make some nice dinner...to get in the mood. And we will go to mass tonight, I will be singing in the Youth Choir :) That always cheers me up; singing!

So everyone a very merry Christmas!!
Take care, Noa

Ok, so, I'm back again!

Today I had to do the laundry, groceries, send some Christmas-cards, oh and of course I walked the dog, it was a wonderful day today...weather I mean...It was kinda cold, but nice cold...no rain..:)...walked for a couple of miles...just enjoying the scenery...I just love that...taking it easy and enjoying the little things, getting some air!
The world is going crazier with the day...everything is to be done in a hurry..everyone seems to be in a rush...aaahhh!!! Doesn't anyone get exhausted?! Sometimes I feel like I'm swallowed in this madness...taken away in a flow I don't seem to get out of...it's a good thing I have my pets...they make me slow down and catch a breath...
While I was walking outside together with my dog, I watched some people going by. Among them was an older couple, you know, they could've been my sweet grandparents. They were walking together, hand in hand and they seemed so happy together! It was so sweet...it really touched my heart. And I thought to myself: "yes...that's where I wanna be when I'm that age; together with my loved-one, still enjoying each other's company, without taking each other for granted, but still discovering new things...and just being happy!"
Aaahh...*sigh*...wouldn't that be the best thing ever?! Finding yourself together with the one you love and loves you back, sharing your life with that person and when you both grow old, you're still together and happy and still feels like the first time...OOhhh..I'm such a romanticus...I know things aren't like that....but I would give anything to end up like the couple I saw today...

Anyways...no romance in my life...ne-uh...not for me...Not that I'm desperate...but yes, I'm starting to get pretty lonely...especially 'round this time of year...Sometimes I just think that Christmas was invented by someone who already was very happy and content with his life...and was made for the people already happy and satisfied, but willing to forget about the world's problems and just enjoying the expensive, luxerous gifts and dinners...and making the people who are already sick and pale with grief, suffering, loneliness, pain, living in poverty only feel worse...
WOW! I sound depressing...but I think there's truth in what I just wrote...I guess it's quite obvious what I want to point out, here...Probably 'cuz it's my birthday that's coming up...don't like celebrating my birthday that much...especially this year...I feel a little...down and incomplete...Ooh...geezzzzz...it's getting darker by the minute...talking about my mood here...oh..well...never mind...thougths of a dreamer...:)...never take them seriously....LOL!

Well..I think I bored you enough with my thoughts today...off to cook some supper...another thing that needs to be done!

Take care, Noa